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修正済センテンス
Meeting information - Sales plan for the new product
A conference call will be held on May 30 to discuss the sales plan for SBC-10.
The call will begin at 11:00 am, and is expected to continue for more than one hour.
All management managers in the sales department and the designers, and someone in representatives from the administration department need to attend.
SBC-10 is will starting start to sell selling on June 28, and the Kazo plant will start production next month. We need to decide the price for the package printing.
The agenda is provided on the attached file. Considering the hard tight schedule, we hope you can please make every effort to join this session and so that all of pending stuff issues will be determined
Please call (123)-555-7890 by May 29 if you are unable to attend. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me at info@eigobin.com or by phone to at (000)-555-1234.
Masanao Kida
Marketing Department
先生からのコメント
'for' is used to express a duration of time.
'management' is only used in singular form as a group noun. You are referring to people so 'managers' is used.
We use 'the' before named departments.
Use 'representatives from' for a more formal tone.
Use 'will start selling' or 'will start to be sold' because you are referring to the future.
We use 'the' with named factories and plants.
This section is too casual, especially the use of 'stuff'. A better option is 'the tight schedule' and 'pending issues'. Using ‘we hope’ makes it seem like there is no need to attend. Use 'please make every effort to...so that...' to make it clear you should attend.
We phone someone 'at' a telephone number.
This is generally all easy to understand and very well written. Nice work!