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受信日時：2015 / 05 / 26 10:17:52 グレード : 
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名前
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Paul de Vries |
日本のココが好き
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Summer festivals |
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国籍
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Australian |
日本のココがちょっと
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Crowded trains |
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教師哲学
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Never say "sorry". Mistakes are ok. |
好きな言葉
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"Emily". It's the name of my daughter. |
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● 課題 |
Ａ．事情を説明する (Explaining / Excusing) ― 添削課題 No.2
あなたの会社は、製造会社から新しい部品を注文しはじめました。あなたはその新しい部品の耐久性に懸念があります。相手先の営業にメールを送り、心配していることを説明し、品質について具体的な質問をしてください。
キーフレーズWe are somewhat concerned about 〜 / We are deeply concerned about 〜 / We are a bit worried about 〜を使って書いてみてください。
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● 修正済センテンス |
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Dear Mr. Radwick, |
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Thank you for sending me the samples of the latest USB connector.
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I showed it them to our development manager, and he will assemble with try them in our new product early next week.
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However, we are somewhat concerned about the dulability of the connector .
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Because the sales point points of our product is strong strength and resilient resilience ,
I we need the evidence of the durability.
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Can you send me more detailed data regarding the ratio of materials and the test result results of the connector?
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Looking forward to meeting you next week.
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Regards, |
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Eizo Suzuki |
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紫:変更されたワード／赤:付加された必要ワード／緑:不必要なワード／青:意味が解りづらいもの
/ 青緑
: Impressive!(自然/クリエイティブな表現)
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● 先生からのコメント
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'assemble with' implies he will assemble the sample but it is the finished product that will be assembled. 'incorporate one of them into our new product' or 'fit one of them into our new product' are options. A better solution, however, is to use 'try them in our new product' or 'test them in our new product.
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You mention two points so you need the plural (s) form.
This is a noun sentence and 'strength' and 'resilience' are the noun forms.
A 'because sentence' always has two clauses so the sentence starting with 'we need' must be join to the previous sentence.
'the' before 'evidence' is optional. 'the' implies the evidence is specific to durability but there are many kinds of possible evidence so the sentence can also be read as 'need (some kind of) evidence of durability'.
'the' before 'durability' means 'durability of the USB connector' but 'of the USB connector' is obvious so 'the' is optional.
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This sentence is confusing because 'more detailed data' can mean both 'further data' and 'data with more details'.
We generally use 'the' before '(countable noun) of (countable noun)' so 'the ratio of materials'.
There were probably many tests so 'results' is a better option.
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This email generally easy to understand. Well done.
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