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当コースでは、診断結果とともに、ご提出の英文を講師が丁寧に添削してご返信します。診断結果で弱点を確認した後、どの部分に誤りがありどのような改善が必要であるのか添削結果で確認できるようになっています。実際には、写真問題 - 5問、Ｅメール問題 - ２問、意見を述べる問題 - １問のすべてを添削してご返信します。
ＴＯＥＩＣ ＳＷ 添削サンプル Ｅメール
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名前
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Brent Robinson
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日本のココが好き
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Sushi
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国籍
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New Zealander
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日本のココがちょっと
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The smell of natto
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教師哲学
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With the right attitude anything is possible.
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好きな言葉
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"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new" (Einstein)
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 問題
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Hi Peter,
I would like to request a change in my working hours. I currently work
the afternoon shift, Monday through Friday. If possible, I would like to
work the morning shift from next month.
Is it possible?
Thanks,
Jenny Robinson
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Respond to this email as P. Avery. In your reply, ask ONE question and provide TWO requests.
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修正済センテンス
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| 01. |
Hi , Jenny, |
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| 03. |
I read the email that you sent on April 23 23rd. In it, you asked me to change your working hour hours from night to morning. |
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There are two questions I want to ask you. |
| 05. |
Why do you want to change your working hours? |
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Is that it something to do with communication problems with other staff? |
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If that are is the cause reason, I think we need to talk about it first. |
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Anyway, we are having a hard time to fill in the night shift because night shift staff need to be responsible for many things. |
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We need at least 2 months at the shortest to find someone to replace you. |
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So, give us 2 months before you change your shift. |
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Is If there are any problem problems, please let me know. |
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Best regards, |
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P. Avery |
紫:変更されたワード／赤:付加された必要ワード／緑:不必要なワード／青:意味が解りづらいもの / 青緑 : Impressive!(自然/クリエイティブな表現)
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先生からのコメント
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| 01. |
You only need to use a comma after the complete greeting. |
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| 03. |
'23rd' is the correct way to write this date.
When referring to 'working hours' you need to use the plural form 'hours'. |
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| 05. |
Nice question formation. |
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It's unclear what you are referring to through the use of 'that'. It is clearer if you use the pronoun 'it'. |
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You've only stated one possible reason, so you need to use 'is' for subject-verb agreement.
Use "reason" to express "why" something happens. "cause" is usually used to express "how" something happens.
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Fill in' is usually used for completing forms.
The preposition 'in' is not needed in this case. |
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We use 'at least' to express the minimum amount of time.
The preposition 'to' is needed here to express the purpose of getting a new person. |
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The expression 'So, give us two months before you change your shift' is a bit too direct to use in this situation. A better way to express this is:
'Could you wait two months before you change your shift?' |
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'If there are any problems' is the correct expression. Note that you need to use the plural form 'problems' as there may be more than one problem. Therefore, you also need to use 'are' for subject-verb agreement. |
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Overall, you've done a pretty good job, and you almost managed to complete the task. You just need to be careful that you read the task very carefully. In this case, you were required to ask ONE question and provide TWO requests. Here is an example of a request you could make in this situation:
This request would work well in line 08:
Could you please provide details in writing as to why you would like to change your shift?
Although you don't complete all the tasks, your email is clear and easy to understand.
This is very well written! Keep up the good work.
Brent |
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TOEIC(R) および TOEFL(R)は、Educational Testing Service（ETS）の登録商標です。
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