Academic Writing TOEFL iBT(R) ベーシックコースでは、TOEFL iBT(R) のIntegrated Writingフルエッセイ５回、 Independent Writing フルエッセイ５回の合計１０回の添削指導が受講いただけます。添削では、講師が文法や語彙の誤りに加え、テキストブックにあるStrategy項目に沿っ て基本構成から、ロジックや文章トーン全般まで について、修正・アドバイスを行います。１０本のフルエッセイへは、講師が「学習ポイント」（Improvement Points = 次に向けて学習すべき項目）を付加してご返信します。それぞれの学習ポイントは、教材のEブック内の「Strategy項目」と結びついています。添削結果を見て復習し、Eブックを使って弱点を克服していくことで、受講者に合った学習が進められるようになっています。

この頁では、研究社出版の「TOEFL iBT(R) テスト完全教本」のPractice Test writing - Integrated Writingの問題に対して実際に、メンバーが書いた文章を添削したサンプルをご紹介しています。

※ コースでは、リライトチケットを使ってパラグラフを部分的に書き直して提出したり、フレーズブックで学んだ 違う表現を使って文章を再提出することも出来るようになっています。（部分リライトに対しては学習ポイント（Improvement Points）は 返信されません。　

名前 Paul de Vries 日本のココが好き Summer festivals 国籍 Australian 日本のココがちょっと Crowded trains 教師哲学 Never say "sorry." Mistakes are ok. 好きな言葉 "Emily" It's the name of my daughter.

修正済センテンス

01. The lecturer explains about the today's sophisticated robots and the author in the reading passage agree with the idea that robots originated from science fiction. The lecturer states that they robots are similar to humans, just like those that are depicted in science fictions fiction. The author, however, claims that robots are merely "simple machines" that perform basic tasks. 02. First, the lecturer states that the majority of robots are much more adaptable, versatile, and aware of their surroundings than previously. Also In addition, they can do multitask multitasking using their heat, sound and touch sensors as well as having visual function , so that they could which enables them to pick up things when they fell fall to the floor. The author, on the other hand, believes that robots are "deaf, dumb and blind"; that they can only do "prescribed tasks." 03. Next, the lecturer states that typical modern robots are not stationary, but mobile. The robots in old days had only one arm but today's robots have multiple arms which have axis of motion and can be moved various directions and distances. They are very flexible so a single robot could can assemble a car dashboard or a complex motor. The author, however, believes that robots are stationary and have only one arm. 04. Finally, the lecturer contends that the robots made with the newest technology can do the work human humans cannot. For example, they can go into nuclear power plant plants and repair them, enter burning building buildings, or work in outer space. New robots also can work in home homes. They can not only wash windows and clean the floor, but also interact with humans by walking, dancing, making drinks or even talking with owners. The author, by contrast, claims that robots can only do tasks that humans can do. 橙：スペルミス/紫：変更されたワード／赤：付加された必要ワード／緑：不必要なワード／青：意味が解りづらいもの / 青緑：Impressive!(自然/クリエイティブな表現)

先生からのコメント

01. In the first paragraph, you should clearly contrast the main topic. Both the lecturer and the author claim that robots originated from science fiction so you can start from the agreement, then continue the contrasting points (see my sample sentences above and the model answers in textbooks).   A noun is needed before "that." The options are "robots" and "those."   "fiction" is non-count. 02. You should specify whose point this is (the lecturer states that...).   "more" is a comparison word so you need to specify what is being compared (e.g. "than previously").   "In addition" has more formal tone.   "they can do multitasking" or "they can multitask"   "do visual function" is uncommon. It is better to add "having."   "which enables them to" should be added because "pick up things" is an ability.   This is a routine action so present tense should be used (fall).   You need to state the point in the reading passage to show the contrast. For example, "The author, on the other hand, believes that robots are deaf, dumb, and blind; that they can only do 'prescribed tasks.'" 03. Again, you should specify whose point this is.   You need to use the present tense (can) here.   In this paragraph, you need the author's point to contrast the both points. 04. You need to use plural nouns to write about a general situation (humans / nuclear power plants / buildings / homes).   The author's point is needed here. You summarized the lecture's points fairly well. Please be sure to include the contrasting points between the reading passage and the lecture in each paragraph.

TOEFL(R) Integrated Writing Improvement Points

- Understand the proper structure of the Integrated Writing - Contrast the main topic in the first paragraph / Echo key words - Clearly contrast the supporting points and the counterpoints - Make the supporting reasons specific